i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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