Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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