what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
