We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize