If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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