My first STD was from a foam party
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
