i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
