Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
