I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize