Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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