I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
