I can text with my tongue
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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