i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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