Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
