My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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