Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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