that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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