I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
