Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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