im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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