she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
