Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
