I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
