And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
