i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
