just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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