Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
