Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
