If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
