i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
