Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
