When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
