I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
