thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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