Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
