I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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