I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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