The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
