No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you inspire me to be a worse person
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
