Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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