why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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