I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
