I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
