either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
