Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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