You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
