I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
