did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
