dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He passed out mid-signature
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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