We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
