I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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