Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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