i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
