Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize