well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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