So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
