listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
