that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
