I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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