Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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