Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
