Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
