Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize