my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
